A Note About Happiness

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Happiness is such a tricky concept.

I mean, what is happiness, really? The dictionary says that it means a state of being content. That doesn't help much. What does it mean to be content? Am I happy right now?

I know that I will be asking myself these same questions every single day of my life. Happiness is so hard to define that I don't know whether I'm living in it right now or if I was happy five minutes ago. The more I delve into it, the more complicated an emotion it becomes. I can be happy for five minutes and then feel like the world is caving in thirty seconds later. Am I just a fickle person or was I not feeling true happiness earlier?

I guess my biggest worry is that I'm not exploiting opportunities to be happy. A lot of people say that the more you smile, the happier you get, but I find that the fake smile I put on when I'm around people doesn't impact my positive mood. In fact, it makes me feel worse- feel like I have to try harder to achieve the same level of happiness that everyone else is obviously feeling. I hate to be unhappy in social situations because I hate thinking that this is all I have. A not-really group of friends that make me feel the need to fake joy in order to fit in.

For me, genuine happiness usually comes in the form of a long drive with my 'weird' indie music blasting. I find happiness when I hear my brother's jokes (which are silly puns, but hilarious nonetheless) or my cat head-butting me. I find happiness when conversations flow seamlessly and without organized thought.

I find happiness in big shirts and shorts, in my blog, in rainy weather, in my mom's sass, in cute presents I receive, in the Halloween decorations I put up for work yesterday (my coworker was laughing as I blasted Christmas music), in places where I feel no judgment, in the fall, in painting and color, in inspirational tumblr pictures.

I probably will never know what happiness really is. I just know where to find it. And when I'm sad, upset, or mad, I'll never stop looking for happiness. Ever.