Steps.

With every step that I take forward, I go back five.

I’ve met my new friends, a handsome group of twenty. Seven years with them I can do.

They seem nice; they welcome me into their cohort with big smiles and open hugs and eager laughs.

But in their faces, I don’t see them; I don’t see their stories or their hopes or their souls. I see the people back home.

I see Jer’s colorful word choice and Dana’s dumb jokes and Nidhi’s snide remarks.

The twenty of them remind me of a group of twenty back home.

With every step that I take forward, I go back five.

Then there’s this big new city- exciting, filled with promises of memories and experiences.

New things to do, new people to meet, a new life to live.

I’m excited as I think of all of the possibilities. The possibilities of being this brand new person that I am or am not. Even I don’t know.

But the stars in this city are the same that shine over my own.

The same stars that I played tag under as a tiny kid; one hand on my nerf gun, the other firmly gripping my favorite teddy bear.

With every step that I take forward, I go back five.

And then, there are the loose ends.

I get the arguments; long distance isn’t for everyone and I never thought it would be for me, either, but when was giving up an option?

We’ve been taught all of our lives to keep trying despite roadblocks or brick walls and here we are, faced with just that- and we don’t even try.

Regrets taste worse when they come out of someone else’s mouth.

With every step that I take forward, I go back five.

This over-romanticized ideal of running away from home isn’t for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited.

But the newness of it all scares me senseless.

With every step that I take forward, I go back five.

- a poem by me - 

Poems to Ponder: Icarus

Hey everyone!

Lately in my English class, we've been focusing a lot on poetry. I never considered myself to be much of a poetry fan before, but I think that this class has fully turned me around into being a poetry lover. Although I have no idea about the meaning of some of the poems we talk about in class, I find myself drawn to others. I wanted to share this one, along with some of my own analysis, with you lovely people!

Poem:

Icarus

By Edward Field

Only the feathers floating around the hat
Showed that anything more spectacular had occurred
Than the usual drowning. The police preferred to ignore
The confusing aspects of the case,
And the witnesses ran off to a gang war.
So the report filed and forgotten in the archives read simply
“Drowned,” but it was wrong: Icarus
Had swum away, coming at last to the city
Where he rented a house and tended the garden.

“That nice Mr. Hicks” the neighbors called,
Never dreaming that the gray, respectable suit
Concealed arms that had controlled huge wings
Nor that those sad, defeated eyes had once
Compelled the sun. And had he told them
They would have answered with a shocked,
uncomprehending stare.

No, he could not disturb their neat front yards;
Yet all his books insisted that this was a horrible mistake:
What was he doing aging in a suburb?
Can the genius of the hero fall
To the middling stature of the merely talented?

And nightly Icarus probes his wound
And daily in his workshop, curtains carefully drawn,
Constructs small wings and tries to fly
To the lighting fixture on the ceiling:
Fails every time and hates himself for trying.
He had thought himself a hero, had acted heroically,
And dreamt of his fall, the tragic fall of the hero;
But now rides commuter trains,

Serves on various committees,
And wishes he had drowned.

Analysis:

I love this poem for two reasons - 1, it's in easy to understand language, which is very helpful for the novice poetry reader and 2, it's so touching. If you haven't heard of the story of Icarus (which I hadn't either, before I read this poem), it's basically the story of a father and son, Daedalus and Icarus, who end up jailed for some reason or another. In jail, they build wax wings and Icarus uses them to escape. Before he departs, Daedalus warns Icarus not to fly too high. However, consumed with the joy of flying, Icarus soars higher and higher until he is close to the sun, whose rays melt the wax in his wings. He immediately plummets and drowns in the water below.

How's that for a downer of a story, eh? Basically, Edward Field took the Icarus story and offered an alternative ending to it- juxtaposing the mythical story with a modern-day setting. I think his interpretation of the story in the context of the suburbs is very metaphorical. Icarus is, in some ways, an example of the heroes in our society that fall steadily out of the spotlight. The mundane is so tortuous to these people that they prefer death to the prospect of being a nobody.

The lines of this poem that undoubtedly stand out to me is the very last couplet:

"Serves on various committees,
And wishes he had drowned."

I mean, how freaking touching are those lines? In the story, Icarus is not made out to be the kind of guy that you feel sympathy for. He's an idiot- he flies towards the sun, for God's sake! But when you read the ramifications of his actions - the fact that he tries and tries to fly every single night even when he knows that he can't? That's tragedy right there. I feel sympathy for a made up character!

"Constructs small wings and tries to fly

To the lighting fixture on the ceiling:

Fails every time and hates himself for trying."

I keep re-reading this poem because I really, truly feel for Icarus. I feel for the kind of person who goes from having everything to having nothing at all. All of his glory (although this situation could be applied to other things - money, power, influence) is gone within a second. Just like the sun rapidly melted off the wax holding together his wings, so his heroism fell. He fell both physically and metaphorically. And for someone who spent his whole life being a somebody, the thought of being just another friendly, vanilla nobody is a prospect worse than death.

Hope you enjoyed this poem! I'll see you when I post next.

Love and light,

Mal

Bollyreview: Dil Dhadakne Do

Hey everyone!

So recently, I've been deviating from the point of this blog (it's technically supposed to be a lifestyle-based) and have been focusing more on me. Which is fine, of course, but I feel like drifting away from me personally and switching over to a light, fun topic- movies. Specifically Bollywood ones.

I've been meaning to start this series up for a while now, but I could never finish writing Bollyreview posts for some reason. So, I decided to delete all of my drafts and re-start this series with one of my favorite new-ish movies- Dil Dhadakne Do.

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Plot

Basically, DDD is about a high-class, unhappy, dysfunctional Mumbai family who decide to go on a cruise to celebrate the parents' (Kamal and Neelam) 30th anniversary. At the start of the film, you see that there are some obvious fissures within the family, and Zoya Akhtar (director and writer) expands upon them as the movie goes on. To give you a short synopsis of what the characters' issues are, I've compiled a short list:

Kamal: Not in love with Neelam any more and cheats on her often. Fakes like his family is perfect, but in reality it couldn't be more crazy.

Neelam: Depressed about Kamal cheating on her. Uses food to get away from her problems. Doesn't like to see her children behaving 'improperly'.

Ayesha (daughter, played by Priyanka Chopra): In a very unhappy marriage with a guy that her dad set her up with. Her parents don't seem to understand that they are not compatible. Has a lot of business acumen, but her parents and husband don't seem to think so. Also, she has complicated ties to her ex, the very hunky Sunny (played by Farhan Akhtar).

Kabir (son, played by Ranveer Singh): Has absolutely no interest in business, but will inherit his father's very successful company (AyKa). Wants to live his life on his own terms. Has a love interest who is muslim, and we know how his ultra-conservative parents are going to feel about that...

There are a lot of characters and plot points in the movie, but this kind of a general outline.

My Thoughts:

Absolutely loved this movie. Really. I think that it pointed out a lot of the hypocrisy and craziness within the Indian community, and I think that it's very important for Indian millennials to look at that and realize that we can be the generation to change that.

My favorite character would have to be Priyanka's Ayesha. She is full of contradictions; shy yet confident, outgoing yet reserved in sharing her true feelings. I think that this really adds a lot of depth to the character. I mean, I was really able to see her for the true person that she was and after a while, it wasn't Priyanka Chopra; it was Ayesha Sangha. Also, major props to the costume person. Everyone looked so fantastic in all the scenes. Here's a little snippet for you guys:

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Lowkey really obsessed with that purple dress. And the heels. And the hair. Basically, everything.

Also, I really want to add that I loved that Pluto (the dog) narrated the movie. He added humor and a surprising amount of depth to the story. I think that Pluto was every bit as important to the overall film as anyone else.

Music:

Since this is a Bollyreview (and not a regular film review), I feel obligated to critique the music as well. I think the soundtrack to this movie is honestly phenomenal. If I had to pick a least favorite song, it would probably be the title track (it gets irritating, probably because I tend to play it on loop), but other than that, I think all the songs are really great. My personal favorite is undoubtedly Pehli Baar. It's just such a fun, upbeat song! I dance to it sometimes when I'm getting ready in the morning.

Overall Rating:

I give the movie itself an 7/10, simply because there were so many characters that the storylines weren't as deep as they could have been. Also, I didn't like the ending, but I never usually like the endings of Zoya Akhtar's films. She keeps the ending open, and I liked a closed chapter.

I'll be nice, though and give the music an 8.5/10. If you can't tell, I'm a bit of a harsh grader.

I hope you enjoyed this post. I'll see you next time!

Love and light,
Mal

Things That Make Me Feel.

Hey everyone!

So one of my favorite bloggers / youtubers Kassie (http://www.cloudyapples.ca/) made a really cool video a while back (here) called 'things that make me Feel.' I don't know why, but this video is one of those things that has just stuck with me. I was so inspired by it that I wanted to make my own list of things that make me feel.

These things stir something really deep in me; they are very essential to my person. I think that by writing them down and sharing them with the world, maybe you guys will be able to understand me better.

Without further ado, let's begin.

Things That Make Me Feel. 

1. O Captain, My Captain! - Walt Whitman

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,

The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,

The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,

While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;

                         But O heart! heart! heart!

                            O the bleeding drops of red,

                               Where on the deck my Captain lies,

                                  Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;

Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills,

For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding,

For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

                         Here Captain! dear father!

                            This arm beneath your head!

                               It is some dream that on the deck,

                                 You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,

My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,

The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,

From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;

                         Exult O shores, and ring O bells!

                            But I with mournful tread,

                               Walk the deck my Captain lies,

                                  Fallen cold and dead.

Also in conjunction with this poem is the scene from Dead Poet's Society. I found a YouTube link to it here. 

2. Lava

Listen to the song here.

I have a dream I hope will come true

That you're here with me and I'm here with you

I wish that the earth, sea, the sky up above-a

Will send me someone to lava

3. Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani (Movie)

Obviously, I can't find a link to this. But watch it. The soundtrack is particularly phenomenal.

4. Lucky Thirteen

A short dance film. Watch it here.

5. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)

I am no bird; an no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.

---

Kind of a random assortment, huh? I left it without explanation on purpose. I think that the mystery behind why  these things make me feel the way that they do is intriguing. I can't figure out why myself. Maybe you can help me out with that.

Love and light,
Mal

Thoughts About the Future

Hey everyone!

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I feel like I start every post with 'oh my gosh it's been so long!' type message, but I've just had a lot on my plate this school year. I can't even promise you guys that I'll blog more often because at the moment, I'm consumed. Consumed with fear and worry for where I will be next year.

Now, I don't like to do this because I don't want my friends to think that I'm depressed or anything like that. But the truth is that blogging is a sort of therapy for me. I want to document what I'm feeling, when I'm feeling it. And right now, I'm absolutely, undoubtedly scared.

Let me start where it all began - freshman year. As a freshman in high school, I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life: medicine. I could go on and on about how the medical profession fits me like a glove, but neither of us have the time for that. Regardless, when I realized that I wanted to go into such a challenging, demanding field, it became very clear that I needed to step up to the plate. My parents have always told me that freshman year was the year that changed me. I wholeheartedly agree- my motivation to do well in school skyrocketed and I became a stellar student (if I do say so myself). I began to volunteer at hospitals, shadow doctors, and gain every bit of healthcare experience that I could before it was time for me to apply to college. Even my course schedule was picked out for me to have the most rigorous, challenging academic experience. I made great standardized test scores. Overall, things seemed to be looking up for me.

During my freshman year, I also learned about specialized programs known as 'BS-MDs' which give students the opportunity to be accepted into both medical school and undergraduate school at the same time. Because I wanted to do medicine, these programs seemed perfect for me. I love the cohort environment and the strong sense of purpose associated with BS-MDs. As a senior, I applied to as many of them as I could find.

Throughout this whole process, I've considered myself as an average-to-strong candidate. I have a lot of unique experiences and I'm not one of those people who does things to check off boxes on a resume. That's just not who I am. Some of my BS-MD seeking peers do little outside of academics and school but I have completely different sides to myself- I love dance, photography, writing, and robotics. I'm not one-dimensional.

Until mid-February, I was still receiving interview invites. At first, I was excited. I had gotten interviews to schools where none of my peers, past and present, had the chance to interview at. To me, this was a great sign. Of course, I faced rejection now and then. But these were from schools that I didn't care as much about. Besides one major upset in January, the schools that I had gotten rejections from were out of state and in many ways, out of mind. Don't get me wrong, I would have gone to one of these schools if given the chance, but I wasn't broken up about not getting into them. Furthermore, I had supportive friends telling me that 'if they knew my personality, I'd be in for sure!'

I found solace in these words. After all, I still had a couple of interviews. My first went very well. I thought that it was a great program and I felt a sense of connection with the university because it was my dad's alma mater. Not to mention, I had a full ride, which was an obvious perk.

Then came my second interview. Although I don't want to mention any details here, the truth is that my interviewer asked me some very unprofessional and inappropriate questions regarding my stature. But that's another blog post of its own.

On Friday, I was soundly rejected from both programs.

In some ways, I think this weekend was the straw that broke the camel's back. Too many negative things were happening in too short a period of time. My immediate coping mechanism was to lie in my bed and cry, but after 20 minutes of that, I was done. I was not going to wallow in sadness- instead, I evolved into an incarnation that I call 'bitter Mal'.

Bitter Mal did not care about other's feelings. All she could do was talk about herself, her sadness, her pity, her her HER. She angrily snapped back at everyone who tried to reach out a helping hand to her. I pushed away people that were just trying to make me feel better and I can't tell you how much I regret that.

At this point, I don't know where I will be next year and that is very, very scary. Of course, I have a top choice program, but I haven't received word yet about an acceptance or a rejection. No information at all. And that feeling, a lack of knowing, is what scares me most of all.

The irony of all of this is that I just recently wrote a post called 'Rejection'. In some ways, I guess I should take notes from my own past self. She knew what she was talking about. It's interesting how easily we are able to advise others when we've not been in their shoes ourselves. If past me knew the status of future me's life, maybe she would reconsider the way she worded that particular piece.

I guess the point of this post is to somewhat identify where my head is at right now. I'm coming to terms with the idea that my future is not in my hands. I have to believe that where I end up going to university is where I'm meant to be. Time will tell.

Love and light,
Mal

UPDATE (3/16/16): Just got rejected from 1 of the two programs I have left. No explanation; no reasoning why. My interviews went great, too. Guess I wasn't meant to go there. We're down to 1. I didn't mention this earlier, but I have 2 Ivy league university BS-MDs that I haven't heard back from yet. At this point, it might be nice to just know.

Why medicine?

OLD POST THAT GOT DELETED! ENJOY :)

Hey beautiful people!

Every morning, I get so excited to blog... it just makes me so happy! I'm so glad that I found this way to share my thoughts with everyone else. It kind of makes me feel a little more grown up, if you will.

For today's topic I figured I'd write a little more relaxing entry, so I'm doing a lifestyle piece called "why medicine?"

If you guys read my last post, you probably know that I debated on doing this post because I thought it might alienate those of you that come here for a bit of inspiration or a dose of happiness. Hopefully, you can forgive me for this little mishap because I really feel inspired to do this piece. Without further ado, let's begin!

When I was a little kid, I shuffled around career options a lot (just like all other little kids). For a while, I wanted to be an animal biologist or primatologist like Jane Goodall, but that soon changed into becoming a veterinarian and then soon after that the president (I can see you rolling your eyes).

I eventually decided that medicine is what I wanted to do when I was about 11 or 12. Most people can pinpoint a specific moment or anecdote that pushed them into medicine, but not me. I just remember waking up one morning and thinking that I needed to become a doctor and I haven't really questioned it ever since.

Another question I get so often (it's kind of ridiculous) is if my parents have pressured me into doing medicine. My answer? A flat out NO. Although my parents are incredibly supportive and will finance whatever aspiration I have, I'm not even kidding you when I say that they sighed a little bit when I told them that I wanted to be a doctor. They're both in the software world and they think I should go to my local university, which is renowned for its computer science program. I took comp sci for a year at high school, and it literally made me want to throw up. I did terribly and wouldn't recommend that class on anyone.

So back  to the 'why medicine' aspect of this post... I guess I don't have just one answer to it. In fact, I made kind of a list on why I want to become a doctor.

1. Doctors are useful in all situations, not just the clinic. I think one of the most appealing things about medicine to me is that knowing medicine just instantly makes you more useful. Let's say that you're on a plane, and a very pregnant lady starts to go into labor. If you're a doctor on that plane, you can immediately jump in and help her deliver and coach her through the process. Yeah, the situation is a bit of a stretch, but the principle applies in all situations, I think. By knowing what you need to know to become a doctor, you have learned a skill that's useful in a lot of crises.
2. The world will never not need doctors. Another appealing factor to me is the job security that being a doctor brings on. I mean, come on. Will people ever stop getting sick/having heart attacks/giving birth? No. Being a doctor is always relevant and like my grandma says, there can never be too many doctors in the world.
3. You can make a real, tangible difference in the world. People say that doctors are used to death because of all of the patients they have that don't make it, but I think that the reverse of that is also applicable. Imagine all of the joys that doctors see! Patients on the brink of death fight off their illness and becoming healthy again. Cute babies being born! Ok, this might be a bit cheesy, but I think doctors get to see both sides of life and I think that's kind of transfixing. Knowing that you have saved someone's life, that you've really impacted the world's happiness quotient is priceless to me.

Although I could go on for days about why I think healthcare professions are fantastic, I think I'll cap it at this for now. The only drawback that I see for medicine is that it takes so long to become a doctor; your career usually only begins in your thirties. But, I don't really find this too much of a problem because in your residency and last two years of med school, you get to see a lot of patients and are their doctor more or less. 

Another thing: I realize that whenever I'm blogging it's largely to an empty audience. If there's any one of you out there that actually follows my blog, I really appreciate it! The only reason why I haven't advertised my blog in any way yet is because I'm still wary about the internet... I hope you guys understand.

Anyways, have a great day and I'll see you really soon!

Mal

Clarification + Updates

Hey everyone!

I don't know why, but the last couple of days, my blog has blown up a little bit in terms of viewership. It's so good to have an actually active audience. It makes me feel as though I'm not just blabbing off into the vast internet :).

I just wanted to clarify something because I got asked about it a couple of days ago. I don't know if the friend in question will be seeing this post, but if you do, just know that this one's for you, girl. 

Lately, I the themes for my posts has been a little bit on the darker side. Maybe it's the Halloween spirit within me coming out(;. Whatever it is, I know that some people might be getting alarmed that I'm depressed or feeling alone. The truth is, I'm perfectly happy. Senior year isn't the best year in my life, but it isn't the worst. I feel all of the love that other people radiate into my life! All of you make me so happy.

I just wanted to update everyone on that just in case there was any confusion. I might private those posts because I don't want anyone to get worried about me for no reason.

While I'm writing, I figured that I might as well give you guys a couple of updates! Since November is starting, I've decided to finally give you what you've been asking for... an updates to the series' that I've started. I'll definitely have some time to catch up on classic cinema, so an update post to that series will come up hopefully soon (maybe even by tomorrow!). And fitness Friday is making a definite comeback. I have some fitness goals to achieve which I will definitely share with you next Friday.

As one month ends, I always get reflective. I like to think about those things that I could do better, the things I could do worse. This month has been a bit topsy-turvy. There were a solid 3 weeks during which I had so many things to do and not enough time to do any of it. Everything was so stressful! Part of that stress was my own fault, so I'm going to really try and curb the procrastination this month. I'm probably going to post some November goals this weekend, so look out for that. Other than that, I think my biggest gain this month was a huge dose of perspective. A couple of not-so-great things happened and my dad really helped me put those instances into context. A lot of the things I stress out about now will have absolutely no relevance to me in 10 years. It's important to remain grounded in that fact.

That's all for today, friends. Have a spooky halloween!

Mal

A Note About Happiness

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Happiness is such a tricky concept.

I mean, what is happiness, really? The dictionary says that it means a state of being content. That doesn't help much. What does it mean to be content? Am I happy right now?

I know that I will be asking myself these same questions every single day of my life. Happiness is so hard to define that I don't know whether I'm living in it right now or if I was happy five minutes ago. The more I delve into it, the more complicated an emotion it becomes. I can be happy for five minutes and then feel like the world is caving in thirty seconds later. Am I just a fickle person or was I not feeling true happiness earlier?

I guess my biggest worry is that I'm not exploiting opportunities to be happy. A lot of people say that the more you smile, the happier you get, but I find that the fake smile I put on when I'm around people doesn't impact my positive mood. In fact, it makes me feel worse- feel like I have to try harder to achieve the same level of happiness that everyone else is obviously feeling. I hate to be unhappy in social situations because I hate thinking that this is all I have. A not-really group of friends that make me feel the need to fake joy in order to fit in.

For me, genuine happiness usually comes in the form of a long drive with my 'weird' indie music blasting. I find happiness when I hear my brother's jokes (which are silly puns, but hilarious nonetheless) or my cat head-butting me. I find happiness when conversations flow seamlessly and without organized thought.

I find happiness in big shirts and shorts, in my blog, in rainy weather, in my mom's sass, in cute presents I receive, in the Halloween decorations I put up for work yesterday (my coworker was laughing as I blasted Christmas music), in places where I feel no judgment, in the fall, in painting and color, in inspirational tumblr pictures.

I probably will never know what happiness really is. I just know where to find it. And when I'm sad, upset, or mad, I'll never stop looking for happiness. Ever.

Rambles.

Hey everyone!

So I'm starting off with this: this post has absolutely no direction. I don't know where I'm going with this or what I'm talking about. Hopefully we'll find a purpose on the way. Sound good? Great.

I've been plagued with a perpetual cold recently and it just won't subside. I took one day off from school because I was feeling miserable, but that didn't help much because I had the ACT the next day so I wanted to study. I feel like I need a couple of days to recuperate from this, but I just don't have the time. Don't you sometimes wish you could stretch the day longer? I do. Today, I'd take a long nap and then probably do some homework and laundry. Which I've neglected to do for a very long time, by the way. My laundry was due to be done last Tuesday. And it's Sunday. Yay for growing up and having to do your laundry solo.

Speaking of growing up, I feel like I have a lot more freedoms now, but a lot of responsibilities. I know, I know, that's what everyone says. But it's true. Yes, I can drive all over the place now and go get Starbucks if I want to and do whatever. However, I have to compile college things myself. I have to be on top of stuff that I would usually delegate out to my dad. It's tough but it's good. The freedoms are worth the pain of self-management.

Lately, I've been really lusting over San Fran. For those of you that've followed my blog for a little bit, you'd know that I want to live in the Bay Area when I'm older. It's honestly a beautiful city and I feel like we're made for each other (me and san fran, that is). I keep looking at pictures of the city and freaking out because it's so pretty. I wish I lived there. So, so, so badly.

Bay Area? More like BAE area am I right? *chuckles*

Hopefully I'll write up something a little more meaningful later, but this is all for now.

Also I've been loving Bob Marley reggae recently. Is this love that I'm feeling?

Mal

Another Update: School and Dance Shenanigans

Hey everyone!

I know it's super irritating that I've been saying "expect regular posts after this!" and I end up posting 10 days later. I get that you might be frustrated. I'm sorry for the delay- I've just had so much stuff going on the past week that I didn't have the time to sit down and type up a post. Not that I have a lot of time now; I have exactly 12 minutes to crank something out.

So why have I been so busy? Well, I told you guys about the job and college application stuff. But the busiest thing for me lately has been dance.

You might not know this about me, but I'm an avid Indian classical dancer. I've completed my Bharatanatyam arangetram and I've learned Kathak for about 2 years now (I'm taking the praveshika poorna exam in November!). I love dance!

Last week, a famous mohiniattam dancer came to the city where I live and she's been conducting these mohiniattam workshops for people who don't have experience in it. At the end, we have a performance, which happens to be on a Thursday. The Thursday of the first week of school.

That's the other thing- school is starting. I'm really stressed out about this year! I feel like I have so much stuff to do and such little time to do it all. Hopefully, my schedule will give me some time to relax and get stuff done, but I'm going to have to be really productive to survive this year. I mean, school starts tomorrow, and I'm doing all of my first week homework today. I legitimately have NO time to do it during the week!

So that's been what's up. The dance practices are killing me because they happent to be from 7-10:00 at night. The weekend ones are almost twice as bad- on Saturday, I was dancing from 8-4. Today's class is supposed to be from 3-7. I'm putting my foot down on 7, though- I need to get some sleep before the craziness that is school starts.

Anyways, thanks for reading! I'll catch you real soon- my next post will be about dance, so stay tuned!

Where have I been? Update post!

Hey everyone!

It's been absolutely forever since I've sat down and written a blog post for all of you! My San Francisco post was pre-written for when school starts, but I hadn't actually blogged in forever, so I needed to put something up. Anyways, I figured I would give all of you good people a bit of an update on what I've been up to and what's been taking me away from blogging.

I guess the first important update is that I got a job! Yes, it's very great, thank you. This isn't my first job, but I like to think of it as my first real job because the other job(s) that I've had have either a) been dance camps that are administered at my own house and b) not been regular in any way Also, I drive myself to work, which is different than before, when I had to wait for my parents to come pick me up. Because I have regular shifts, I'm able to plan my day really well. Another fun fact: I got my first paycheck yesterday and I've been happy dancing all day. I really like my job; it's good to be doing something productive with my time.

Next up: college apps. I'm a high school senior, and college applications are kicking my butt right now! I have a lot of essays to write, read, and proofread, which I feel is going to take forever to do. I really want to get stuff done before school starts, but I don't know how much I'll be able to do, to be honest. Keep me in your prayers (joking).

And finally, summer assignments. I have a TON of progress to make on my English summer reading assignment. I'm reading The Age of Innocence, and I have such a love-hate relationship with it. Some parts I really love, like when Ellen and Newland are hanging out together, but I hate it when the author goes into long descriptions of costumes and food and surroundings. I appreciate her willingness to provide detail, but when I'm 3 paragraphs into a chapter and all we've done is talk about the dinner table, I get bored. On a side note, May is so underrated! I got to a part in the novel where she literally slayed Newland so hard that I wrote "slay" in the margin. I felt indifferent to her before, but I really like her now.

Anyway, I'm sorry if my lack of blogging has upset any of my followers! I will try to get back on the blogging boat ASAP.

See you in my next post!

Mal

Perfect Summer Picnic

Hey everyone!

I owe all of you an apology- I haven't blogged in forever! I've been pretty busy with college applications and life in general, and I didn't have any time to blog the last 2 weeks. Have no fear, though, I have a new post for you today!

Yesterday, my best friends and I went on a picnic by the lake near our houses. Although we'd initially planned a lunch picnic, we had to settle for a dinner because it was hard to find a time where everyone was free.

For the picnic, we each brought food (maybe a little too much food?). We ended up having sandwiches, sushi (vegetarian and handmade but so good!), cookies, blueberries, oranges, brownies, and punch. We ended up with a bunch of leftovers because one of my friends just got braces on and she couldn't eat anything. I took a brownie home, though, and it was SO good!

Here are some pictures. My friend (who has an awesome VSCO by the way) took pictures of the lake at sunset. I'll definitely add those onto this post when she sends them to me!

Sushi and cookie plate. Surprisingly really good!

Yay for punch!

Like I said, I'll add more pictures when my friends send them to me. Unfortunately, my phone died.

See you in my next post!

Mal

Fitness Sunday: Weekly Workout Routine

Hey everyone!

I'm not going to lie, I've been seriously slacking on my workouts. Last week, I exercised probably 2 days? Yeah, not good, I know. I really want to turn over a new leaf this week when it comes to productivity and fitness, so here's my weekly workout schedule (in print!). I'll update you on Friday to see if I followed up with my plan.

Monday:

• Morning walk. It's usually about 15 minutes long and it gets my mind ready for the day.
• Run/Walk for 42 minutes. I like to walk for 3 minutes, run for 3, and then continue alternating out. It gets pretty exhausting.

Tuesday:

• Morning walk.
• I absolutely adore this cardio video. There's a section in the middle that kills me almost every time.
• Run/Walk for 15 minutes.

Wednesday:

• Morning walk.
• This fun dance workout! It's tacky, but I really like it for some reason.

Thursday:

• Morning walk.
• Run/walk for 42 minutes.

Friday:

• Morning walk.
• Run/walk for 60 minutes.

That's all for today! I know this post is pretty short, but I didn't really have anything else to talk about. See you in my next post!

Mal

Hair Mask Recipe

Hey everyone!

If one day I ever decide to post a picture of myself to this blog, one of the first things that you, my readers, will notice is my hair. I have medium (mid-back) length, curly hair that can look absolutely crazy at times. If you are at all interested, I can post a "hair story" (believe it or not, my hair was thin and stick straight at one point) with pictures.

Recently, my friend Annie (you can find her awesome blog here) told me about how she wears a hair masks of egg whites once a week to battle the oil buildup in her hair. This got me kind of interested, so I decided to do some of my own research and make a hair mask of my own. I tried it out yesterday, and the results were almost immediately apparent. My hair itself was a lot shinier and my roots had lost all their gross buildup.

Since my last hair post is one of my most popular posts, I figured that you guys might want to see this recipe!

Note: You might have to tweak my measurements to fit your hair length. I wouldn't recommend making too much of this mask because I'd prefer a fresh batch every time, but this is totally up to you.

What You Will Need:

7 Spoonfulls of Yogurt: Gross, I know. But yogurt is a really good moisturizer! It works as a natural conditioner. I noticed that when I washed my hair out yesterday, it was pretty soft even before my intense conditioner routine. Considering that my hair is usually as dry as straw, this was a very good thing.

1 Egg White: I don't have a real reason why I wouldn't use the egg yolk other than the fact that it's kind of gross. Egg whites have a lot of protein in them, which can help rebuild damaged bits of your hair.

How to Apply:

Massage the mixture into your hair. Focus especially on your scalp and the ends of your hair. Wrap your hair into a bun (it should kind of stick to itself so you don't need a hair tie) and then tie a plastic bag around your head. Let sit for about an hour and then wash out thoroughly!

Note: It's kind of hard to get it all off of your scalp on day one. I recommend shampooing as much as you can and then using an hot oil treatment (macadamia nut, olive, or almond) the next day.

Results: You should end up with soft and dry hair.

See you in my next post!

Mal

The Welch Diaries: Mal Edition

Hey everyone!

I'm finally back home! I don't have any huge plans for the rest of the summer, and I can't even begin to tell you how great that feels. I have a couple of standardized tests to study for and college applications to start, but for now, I'm free. That feeling is indescribably amazing.

What's even better is that I can finally tell you where I was for the first part of the summer! I was selected to be in a program called Welch Summer Scholars. It's basically a research program where high schoolers get put into real chemistry labs and learn to research about a topic they're assigned to by a professor. We live on campus with roommates (other Welchies) and we get to taste the first sweet sip of independence. It was a fabulous experience, hands down, and I learned so many things during it.

My dorm mate Annie wrote this amazing blog post about her experience at Welch (check it out here), and I decided I would do my own take on her post. Without further ado, let's begin!

5 Things I Learned at Welch

1. If you want a fun experience, you need to get out of your room. I honestly can't stress this enough. On the first day we arrived at Welch, life was a little awkward. I introduced myself to all of the girls that I was living with and then we kind of separated into our own dorms to do our own thing (unpack, etc.). It wasn't until Annie suggested that we go out and be social that we ventured out of our dorm (and promptly got lost). I'm not going to lie, that first walk was pretty awkward. We were all from different cities and it was a little hard to find common ground. The conversation was a ta forced at points. But, it was the first step. We ended up judging the Welch guys (lol) because they seemed super unfriendly and pretty dorky. It's mean to do that, I know, but at the end of the day, we bonded a little over it. After we got back to our dorm and ordered pizza, I felt a little better about where this whole summer was heading.
Moral of the story: In order to make friends, you can't isolate yourself.

2. The guys are cooler than you think, so DON'T judge. The guys at our Welch camp were incredibly chill. For the first two days, we made no attempt to get to know them because a) we though they rejected our initial hello's and b) they seemed a little goofy. Then, on day 3, we all went to a restaurant for dinner and when we came back, we watched Mean Girls together. I can say with confidence that it was at that moment that I decided I loved Welch. All of us, the girls and the guys, became really, really close. They were like my brothers. My annoying, irritating, I-want-to-punch-you-right-now-so-I'm-going-to brothers. One of the guys started this thing where he would say 'got heem' to everything, and now I do too. We did get into a series of fights over inconspicuous things (that was what this post was about), but we made up. And I'm thankful that everything ended up okay in the end.
Moral of the story: Just because someone thinks Hawaiian shirts are stylish does not make them a dork. He might be a very interesting human. Talk to him.

3. If your professor criticizes you, don't take it personally. I'm not going to tell you which professor I worked with, but I will tell you this: don't take anything personally. A really important part of Welch is that you get to interact with real college professors who don't take crap. Even if you feel like you're trying 100% in the lab or on your paper, you can always aim for 110% (and they will probably tell you that). At times, you might feel like you are a failure because you've done something really dumb, like mix up buffers or accidentally put the wrong thing in the fridge. You need to forgive yourself and move on. If you're taking criticism from someone else and you have that little voice in your head saying 'gosh, you're so dumb. how could you even do that?', you're not going to internalize what the other person is saying. Try to see the message through the delivery. At the end of the day, your professor wants nothing but the best for you.
Moral of the story: If someone gives you constructive criticism, it's because they believe in you.

4. You can't kill a roach by throwing bleach on it. I hate roaches so so so much. To me, they are disgusting, creepy, freaky little bugs that show up everywhere unannounced. We ended up having a lot of roaches in our dorm and a lot of the time, we had to deal with them ourselves. In Annie's post, you can read where she talked about the whole roach-in-her-dorm incident. Although it sounds funny, it was super scary at the time. I, for one, was freaking out, but I was trying to give her some moral support, which meant that I was cowering behind her. To this day, I still can't kill roaches, and I don't think that's ever going to change. But, I can say with confidence that one day I may be able to put a cup on a roach. Maybe.
Moral of the story: Your worst fears can be conquered if you're exposed to them enough.

5. Don't be intimidated by your fellow Welchies. In my group, we had 8 kids. There were people with perfect scores on standardized testing, high ranks, all stars in chemistry. When I first walked in, I wasn't just intimidated. I was mortified that all these smarties would think I was an idiot. This was kind of exacerbated when I mixed up sigma and pi bonds during our second meeting. But, as I got to know these people, I began to realize that they shared my fears. There are aspects to our personality that can intimidate others and we don't even realize that. Quit thinking that you are the odd one out and embrace the fact that you are smart and capable in your own way that is different from everyone else.
Moral of the story: Never feel inferior or incapable. If you are, you wouldn't have gotten in in the first place.

Our chaperone and the other program coordinators told us that we're the closest a Welch group has ever gotten. I don't doubt it. We became a family. Even though there were times where I just wanted to pack up and come home, I'm glad I stayed. I love all of my Welch G's and I'm thankful that they made my experience so awesome.

My biggest lesson? Nothing beats grilled cheese and queso.

See you in my next post!

Mal

Classics Series: Breakfast at Tiffany's

Hey everyone!

Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? I know it's only been a couple of days, but I've been a bit busy with my life and I haven't been able to really sit down and write a proper blog post for all of you. Hopefully this new post series will make up for that!

Earlier this evening, I decided to watch a classic that I've never watched before: Breakfast at Tiffany's. I'm a movie fanatic, so I figured that watching a few classic movies could even be considered educational in a sense.

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Plot (No spoilers, I promise!)

Breakfast at Tiffany's revolves around a young, eccentric New York socialite named Holly Golightly. Holly is extremely extroverted; she loves nothing more than a good drink and some company. A lot of the things that Holly says make absolutely no sense, but that's what is so appealing about her. She's a free spirit, unwilling to be caged, and will do anything for money.

Enter Paul Varjak, a struggling writer whom Holly nicknames Fred after her brother. Paul moves into Holly's apartment building and the two strike up an unlikely friendship. Turns out, Paul has a few secrets of his own; he's in a relationship with a married woman for the cash and hasn't written anything in years. Through Holly's friendship and love, Paul begins to write again and reconnects with his old self.

My thoughts:

In all honesty, I don't get the critical acclaim behind this movie. Although it was good (definitely not too much of a cliche), it wasn't great. I had to go back and read the wikipedia plot summary of the book so that I could understand it because a lot of plot points were kept kind of open. I haven't read the book, so maybe it could be that I don't have the background? I'm not really sure.

For positives, this movie has a great cast. Audrey Hepburn is absolutely gorgeous. She's definitely become my fashion idol. I loved Audrey's boxy turtleneck and slack combo. Check out this picture:

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So freaking cute.

Even George Peppard, the main guy, was super cute. His acting didn't leave too much of an imprint on me like Audrey's did, though. Maybe he wasn't meant to shine? Who knows.

For negatives, I really didn't like the whole idea of someone owning another person. I know that Holly was kind of the epitome of someone that wasn't dependent on others, but in the end of the movie, it seemed like she fell into that stereotype of women depending on men. Maybe that might not have been the real message, but that's what I interpreted.

Another great thing about this movie were the quotes. Exhibit A:

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I just love that. So much.

Let me know what classic I should watch next. I'm thinking Roman Holiday.

Mal

Hair Care: Curly + Medium Length

Hey everyone!

I was debating what to  post for today, when an idea suddenly occurred to me: curly hair care.

The sad thing that I notice in a lot of people with curly hair is straightening, perming, updos- basically anything that will get people to not notice their beautiful curls. It's sad, really, that we live in a culture where people would prefer to have stick straight hair that takes ages to keep up than put in a little work to maintain their natural hair. Always remember, girls, that natural hair is the best hair (in my humble opinion)!

I myself avoided my natural hair for years- I straightened and blowdried so I wouldn't have to deal with the frizziness that comes with natural hair. Recently, however, I've tried to make a change and appreciate my natural curls a lot more. I've been trying a couple of new methods to tackle frizz and surprisingly, they've been working.

I'm going to share my weekly hair schedule with you and hopefully, you can change it to to work with your hair type. I have 2C - 3A hair, depending on the day. Before you start going natural, make sure to know your hair type. Use this picture as a guideline:

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Sunday Night: Wash Hair
My hair washing is a long, long process. I start with shampoo; I take three/four separate sections of my hair and lather each piece in Garnier Triple Nutrition Shampoo. This is a fantastic shampoo for curly hair, I highly recommend it. I follow shampoo up with the same brand conditioner (again, fantastic product). Conditioning is probably the most important part of my routine. I split my hair into two pieces and massage in 3 layers of conditioner. I wait for about 5 minutes, then wash it out. After I'm out of the shower, I use the Garnier Pure Cream Styling Gel, and scrunch it into my hair like there's not tomorrow. Then, I let my hair air dry and put it in a pineapple before I go to sleep. Yes, a pineapple. It looks like this:

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Monday & Tuesday: Natural
I spray my hair with a little bit of water and go. I'll probably hit my hair with a little bit of the frizz lotion as well.

Wednesday & Thursday: Natural / Ponytail
I usually play these days by ear. I will usually do another day of natural on Wednesday and then throw it up into a ponytail on Thursday.

Friday: Braid
I love textured braids so I try to usually work in one sometime during the week. I generally go for them on Friday.

Saturday and Sunday (morning): Awkward Buns
I'm completely done by Saturday and Sunday so generally my hair goes up into a bun during these days. Also, I work out a lot on the weekend, so it's better to have it twisted up and out of my face.

If I'm working out more than normal, I will usually watch my hair once every 4 days. I haven't been doing that lately, and I really, really need to.

Thanks for reading. I'll see you soon!

Mal

Fitness... Sunday?

Hey everyone!

I'm so sorry that I didn't write a fitness Friday post this week. I got really wrapped up in the day and I ended up having a long post-midnight talk with some of the greatest people I've ever met. Don't you just love talking about existential questions with people that have their head and heart in the right place?

For today's fitness Friday I thought I'd share with you my workout regimen. It's fairly standard; I'm one of those sticklers that likes to stick to a set routine. It usually goes like this:

1. Stationary Biking

I love to stationary bike because I hate to run and I need to get my cardio in somehow. My friends always make fun of me for biking because they say you need to do more to get the same effects as you would if you ran on an elliptical or something. Fair enough, but if you really hate to run and have some time on your house, biking can be fun and hard at the same time. I took this quick picture from my work out yesterday:

I know it's pretty hard to see, but I burned about 150 calories (not including the sweat) and that's great for a little girl who's just looking to get a little more lean.

2. Walk a Half Mile

I know that I said that I hate running, but I'm fine with walking. I like to walk about 4 or 5 laps around a track (8.5 makes a mile). This works as great cool down from the biking.

3. Core 

Remember my T-Swizz loving pal from the previous post? The same friends loves to train (read: torture) me whenever we go to the gym. We go through a routine of curl ups, planks in all directions, and some moves she picks up from Blogilates (if you haven't heard of this term, YouTube it asap! It'll change your life). I might do a full on post about my core routine because it's definitely good for those on the basic level.

Sometimes we head off to a core class that our gym offers. It's about 20 minutes of pure torture but you get results.

That's all for now. I'll see you guys in my next post.

Mal

Music Favorites

Hey everyone!

I have a confession to make. I'm a HUGE music lover. I love all kinds of music, but I primarily love alternative or alternative rock bands. Today, I figured that I might as well show some of you guys my favorite bands/singers and favorite songs within that band. In all honesty, this post is targeted at 1 of my friends who is struggling to find his own music taste. So without further ado, let's begin!

BANDS AND DUOS

1. The Mowgli's

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This SoCal band is my absolute true love. The Mowgli's fall under the alternative rock category, but I think they span the whole alternative genre in general. They never fail to make me happier when I'm feeling down.

Genre: Alternative Rock

Listen When: You're feeling blue and you need a pick-me-up.

Favorite Songs: Say it, Just Say it & San Francisco

2. Colony House

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I was introduced to colony house by the same friend that introduced me to the Mowgli's. Needless to say, she's one of my best friends. Colony house is classified as indie rock, which I think is fairly accurate. This band does have a slight christian vibe, though, so if you're not comfortable with that, I'd suggest picking something else to listen to.

Genre: Indie Rock

Listen When: You want something with a good beat.

Favorite Songs: Silhouettes & Learning How to Love

3. Alex and Sierra

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I feel like Alex and Sierra don't get enough credit because they won the X-Factor. People tend to pass them over as TV-made stars, but I genuinely think they're awesome together. On the show, they're best covers were Say Something & Little Talks. As you can tell, these guys are a little more pop, but I'd describe their music as a more stripped-down version of pop.

Genre: Pop

Listen When: You're chilling out. These guys have a super casual vibe.

Favorite Songs: Scarecrow & Bumper Cars

3. Bleachers

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Bleachers was a band started up by Jack Antonoff from Fun. They're fairly new, but a pretty great group. They fall under the indie pop banner, but I'd say that they resemble indie rock a little more. Take a listen and let me know what you think.

Genre: Indie Pop

Listen When: You want to spice up a mundane activity.

Favorite Songs: I Wanna Get Better & Rollercoaster

SINGERS

1. Taylor Swift

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I put this one in especially for one of my friends (shout out to A) who is such a huge fan of the T-Swizz. As for myself, I've been a Swiftie since the age of 12 and I haven't looked back. I'm not going to lie, I like her old songs (ballads) far more than I do her pop singles (or 1989 in general), but she's definitely growing and I totally respect her for that.

Genre: Country/Pop

Listen When: You want some girl power in your life :).

Favorite Songs: Bad blood, Ronan

2. Jason Mraz

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When I was a little girl, I went to my very first wedding. The couple's first dance was to "I'm Yours", and that was when I became such a Mraz fan. Now, several years later, I know all the lyrics to I'm Yours, and I love several of his other songs. Definitely check him out if you haven't yet.

Genre: Pop rock/Reggae

Listen When: You are feeling particularly emotional.

Favorite Songs: I'm Yours, Lucky, I Won't Give Up (sometimes this song can be too slow for me)

3. Phil Collins

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My dad is a huge Phil Collins fan and so am I. To me, his music is a very psychedelic, 90s era montage. His voice also has such a distinct quality to it, and it's something that I definitely love to listen to from time to time.

Genre: Pop rock/jazz fusion

Listen When: You want a definite throwback to the 90s.

Favorite Songs: Groovy Kind of Love, Another Day in Paradise, and the ENTIRE Tarzan soundtrack!

NOTABLE MENTIONS

Basically, these songs complete my Spotify playlist. I figured I'd give you a quick list.

Phosphorescent: Nothing Was Stolen (Indie Pop)

Young the Giant: Cough Syrup (Indie Rock)

Those Dancing Days: I'll Be Yours (Indie Pop)

AJR: I'm Ready (Pop)

Jonas Brothers: Lovebug (Indie Pop)

Sugar Ray: Into Yesterday (Alternative Rock)

Corinne Bailey Rae: Put Your Records On (Soul)

Duncan Fellows: Saints (Indie Pop)

Andy Grammer: Honey, I'm Good. (Pop)

Natasha Bedingfield: Unwritten (Indie Pop)

Walk the Moon: Shut Up and Dance (Alternative Pop)

... and that's just a small sample of my playlist. Let me know what your music favorites are in the comments!

Mal

Coffee Talk and Fitness Friday Update

Hey everyone!

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted, huh? I'm sorry, I've just been busy with some stuff. I'm not at my house for the next couple of weeks, so I have to blog when I find time for it, basically. Today, I'm a little early to my meeting so I'm sitting in a small café, drinking coffee. Perfect time to blog, am I right?

So I figured I'd do my fitness Friday post of the week today. As far as eating goes, I've been pretty healthy. I mean, I had to have some crappy Chinese food for dinner 2 nights in a row, but other than that it's been mainly salads. I also had a potato for lunch yesterday, but considering that it was stuffed with cheese, it probably isn't the best for a good diet. For my salads, I generally stick to a lettuce/mushroom/onion combo with lite Italian dressing. It's pretty good.

For drinks, I have been drinking a lot of water (although not so much yesterday and today) and black coffee. Yes, I'm one of those crazies that drinks coffee without sugar or cream. Sue me.

Sadly, my work out ideas haven't really worked out... I worked out one day this week. However, I've been walking a lot lately (probably about a mile a day), so maybe that offset everything a little. Except for the Chinese food. As good as it was, I could feel my stomach cringing as I ate it.

That's all for now. I'll talk to you guys whenever I get the chance to next!

Mal