Apologize.

[via]

I'm sorry.

These two words, regardless of how little they are, mean so much. I've had to apologize thousands of times in my life, whether it be for a joke going wrong or a rude statement, And every time I've said these two words, it's been really hard.

Swallowing your ego and saying that your sorry for something has got to be one of the most challenging parts of anyone's life, especially when you've been slighted as well. It's just too easy to toss out an apology and tack on but blah blah blah. A real apology doesn't take oneself into account. It's all about the other person.

Body language is also so important when you're apologizing. When you cross your arms or roll your eyes or say it in a sarcasm-laced voice, the person being apologized to won't feel like you're being sincere. (To my one reader who probably thinks this is a dig at him, it's really not. I'm talking about myself here.) Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and mindset for a second. If you were genuinely hurt about something and the only thing the other person does is offer a half-hearted apology, it almost makes the initial transgression worse. Try to keep your body language as inoffensive as possible.

Another thing: you have every right in the world not to apologize. Never expect apologies from anyone. Just because they've slighted you doesn't mean that they need to apologize. If you are the one that's hurt and you run after whoever hurt you asking for an apology, chances are that relationship is going to turn even more hostile than it is. Leave it be. Forgiving is almost as important as apologizing.

I've always heard this metaphor of an apology being like a band-aid on a broken plate. Does the band-aid fix the plate? No. The only thing that a band-aid does is hold the plate steady while you fill in the cracks with superglue or whatever other sticky thing you're using. To me, the superglue is a metaphor for your actions. Your apology means nothing until you stop what you're doing that offends the other person. Don't apologize and then continue doing the same thing. Don't apologize and then go gossip to your friends about what a jerk this person is and why can't they see things your way. It makes your apology meaningless.

And of course, the most important part of an apology is forgiving yourself. You make mistakes. You're human. You might have hurt someone, intentionally or otherwise, but you don't need to beat yourself up for it. Forgive yourself and move on.

Apologies are just a part of this crazy adventure called life. Mend the fence and move on.

Mal

NOTE: This post is directed at 4 guys out there that I've offended with my words and actions. I'm truly, deeply apologetic for taking you for granted. I'm blessed to have you in my life. I hope you read this post and realize that I really meant everything I said yesterday.